


One Way to Find Out

by Ketenn



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Canon Divergence, F/M, I mean it could easily become canon if Gabriel grew up, No Plot/Plotless, Non-Chronological, Non-Linear Narrative, Romance, Stream of Consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:06:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26423851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ketenn/pseuds/Ketenn
Summary: The plan was simple: send out an akuma during the night, then bring out Catalyst, akumatize the horrified people, wait until the heroes of Paris tire out from fighting so many enemies at once and then reap the rewards. But then Scarlet Moth glanced at Catalyst and the questions started flooding.
Relationships: Gabriel Agreste | Papillon | Hawk Moth/Nathalie Sancoeur
Comments: 13
Kudos: 40





	One Way to Find Out

**Author's Note:**

> Before we head on, I would like to thank my friend Diring for doing the beta work for this one. It took some time (two months) due to other, more pressing matters on both sides, but we managed it!
> 
> So… may I offer you some sweet Hawktalyst?

In retrospect, Gabriel could have looked for another way to find the answer.

Nathalie’s plan was almost perfect. It was as foolproof as it could get, although the constant luck on Ladybug’s and Chat Noir’s side couldn’t be calculated into it. It was so perfect that Gabriel found it difficult not to jump at the first opportunity he got to set it in motion. But what else would he expect from Nathalie?

The reason why it was not completely perfect was because it involved her.

The original akuma victim was a tired woman who couldn’t get enough sleep for days, thanks to her loud neighbours. The woman turned into Soundbreaker, an akuma victim who wanted to paralyse and steal the voice of anyone breaching the peace. When Hawkmoth could feel a considerable influx of fear and anger – swirling among a surprising amount of relief and happiness –, he moved on to the next part of the plan: Catalyst.

He used her enhancement to turn the previously noisy, now terrified people into his minions and sent them after Ladybug and Chat Noir. Their number was considerably smaller than during Heroes’ Day, but it was not important now.

Midnight found Catalyst and Scarlet Moth in the lair, drilling deep into their victims’ minds, carefully managing their every step. When Scarlet Moth gave instructions to a single scarlet victim, Catalyst commanded the others. When Catalyst created a trap for the heroes, Scarlet Moth directed the other victims in her stead. They worked together like two well-greased gears, always there when the other was not, pushing the bigger machine forward without interruption.

Catalyst’s constant orders echoing in the minds of the akumatized was all Scarlet Moth needed to make sure Nathalie was alright. Still, his wary glance was constantly drawn towards her. He fought against the urge to look at her for a reason unknown even to him, but as time passed, his curious caution diminished. As he turned back, he squeezed his eyes shut at the cold shiver that run down his spine.

He knew that it was Catalyst he would see there instead of Nathalie. He knew what to expect. Yet it was very different from the image in his mind. Catalyst stood well behind him, outside of the circle of faint light the moon had cast on the lair’s floor. There was nothing unusual in it. Whenever he was in the spotlight, Nathalie was always in the background, providing much needed support. But it felt different now. Catalyst’s dark silhouette almost became one with the lair’s shadows. As she stood motionless in the darkness, she resembled a predator, waiting for her prey.

The only indication to her presence in the darkness was the red, glowing line zigzagging around her helmet. The red light and the sharp, unnaturally disproportionate body, which Scarlet Moth remembered more than saw right now, made Catalyst as artificial as the room they were standing in.

Catalyst may hide like a predator and resemble something synthetic, but deep down she was still human. She was still Nathalie, and Scarlet Moth knew that.

Or did he?

Despite his extensive studies on the Miraculous, the workings of magic behind the Butterfly Miraculous eluded him. All he understood was that it relied on feelings to alter the existence of the akuma’s target. He felt the destructive power of the enhanced emotions when he made contact with his victims. Be it rage, fear, sadness or the need to protect others, they all succumbed to the monster and accepted its raw power. How much they let the akuma take over depended on the person controlled. Some showed more humanity towards their loved ones, while others targeted them without remorse.

Scarlet Moth couldn’t help but ask which type Catalyst belonged to. Was she like a machine, following orders blindly and fuelling herself with the rage of her creator or was she more like Nathalie, capable of showing incredible tenderness towards those she loved?

_Tenderness_.

The tenderness in Nathalie’s eyes as she watched Gabriel enter the guest room she was resting in. He was euphoric. He just repaired the Peacock Miraculous and hurried to tell her the news that would change everything.

“I have a plan.” This was her greeting after he sat down in the chair next to her bed. Her powerless voice was enough proof of the dreamless hours she spent lying there, let alone her worn expression and her very words. The only parts of her that felt alive were her eyes, radiating eagerness to tell him about her new plan. Gabriel knew that he would have difficulty talking her down from whatever she wished to propose.

“We don’t need a plan,” he said resolutely as his hands gently slipped around one of hers. He cupped her hand and drew it towards him until he could rest his elbows on his tights. “At least not now. The Peacock Miraculous might be fixed, but you will need time to recover.”

“It wouldn’t involve Mayura,” she responded and slightly narrowed her eyes. “Only Catalyst.” Her eyes gave away how even she knew her reasoning was weak. Her last time as Catalyst was still fresh in his mind, even after the weeks that had passed. The deep cough still echoed is his ears and he feared that it would haunt him forever. He remembered her desperate movements as her muscles gave up. She would have hit the floor if he hadn’t been there to catch her. No. He did not need to experience that again.

“That doesn’t change anything.” He gently squeezed her hand and watched the warm smile spread on her face. “You will need to keep away from Miraculous magic. Even if your new plan will be the one that wins us the Ladybug and Black Cat Miraculous, it can wait.” After some thought he added, “I’m done putting you in danger.”

Nathalie’s smile softened even more and Gabriel felt one instinctively spread over his face, in anticipation of meeting hers.

“I’m fine, Gabriel.”

She didn’t mean it. The warm tenderness in her eyes was a sure sign of that. She could fool him for a while, appealing to his desperation by taking up a supportive expression, mimicking strength even while she was slowly falling apart. He had no doubts that her smile was her way of concealing a lie, to make him believe that she could still go on. But then and there, as she was leaning back on the pillows, weary eyes piercing into his, her always neatly combed hair slightly dishevelled her lie failed to convince him. They were past the point when he could, or even _wanted_ to believe her.

Two months have passed since the day he repaired the Peacock Miraculous and Nathalie seemed to have regained her health completely. _Seemed to have_ , because Gabriel did not trust her word, nor his judgement anymore. Whenever he asked how she felt, her answer was the same as before, when she willingly took up the self-destructive burden of Mayura.

Gabriel was proud of himself for not believing her and for keeping her away from any kind of miraculous magic. Up until now. He was still human, the opportunity was perfect, and Nathalie’s loyalty never faltered.

_Loyalty_.

The most powerful feeling in her, one of the purest emotions a human could have. The power source that kept her running. Like a machine.

The determination of unbreakable loyalty was the feeling he pulled on whenever he turned her into Catalyst. Loyalty was the bond between Catalyst and Scarlet Moth. It gave her just as much power over him as he had over her. If they stopped relying on each other, their existence would cease.

But if loyalty was purely a human trait, how could it alter Nathalie to become something as twisted as Catalyst? Something that tried to look human and non-human at the same time? What did Catalyst want to be?

A flash of red returned Scarlet Moth to the present. He felt his control over the victims of the scarlet akumas slip, and he desperately reached out to grip the reins before they got too far away. If they stray, he had no means to gather them again. He had to keep too many minions in check and he felt tired after his long day of work. His mind was slipping. Maybe this plan would fail before Ladybug came up with a solution. But to his surprise, the scarlet victims did not stray, as if their intent matched his since their akumatization.

Catalyst stepped to his side. She was ready to take command when he withdrew. Scarlet Moth cleared his mind and reached out to their victims. Maybe Catalyst knew why his control slipped, as her next words addressed his thoughts.

“It’s well into dawn. They will soon wear out from fighting against so many enemies.”

Catalyst’s tone was devoid of the cold melody Mayura had, and it definitely didn’t have Nathalie’s silky and careful nature either. Catalyst was ruthless. She was enraptured with cruelty. She sounded inhuman and that frightened him.

Catalyst’s lips curved up into an unpleasant smile. Their shade was much darker in the moonlight, but Scarlet Moth remembered them to be bright red, and even in the moonlight they were as vibrant as the light on her helmet. He wondered if her eyes were just as red, and just as much filled with spite. He had a feeling that they were.

“By the time dawn arrives, we will have their miraculous.” Her tone had the same effect as icicles hitting the floor, shattering into a million pieces.

Her voice froze him in place. It was Nathalie, but her tone did not have the smoothness that managed to calm him whenever she was Mayura, or just simply Nathalie. He steeled himself and turned his focus back to the akuma victims. He can’t lose composure again.

But whenever he closed his eyes, images of Nathalie from a few hours ago invaded his mind. When he turned back and it was not Catalyst, but Nathalie there, tablet in hand, waiting for the deep purple butterfly to land on it. She looked alarmingly eager and loyal to the extremes. So he looked deep into Nathalie’s eyes, to detect the lie he spotted in them so many times before.

“Are you certain, Nathalie?” he asked quietly. “Are you feeling well enough to do it?”

“Of course I do,” she answered in silvery voice. To emphasise her words, she extended the arm in which she held her tablet. “We have to be quick and act before the people calm down.”

Hawkmoth eyebrows lowered in defeat. She had that gentle glint in her eyes. She was concealing a lie. He was less and less sure of the plan, but he already told her he was willing to do it, she was already here and he had already set the scene for Catalyst and Scarlet Moth. He slowly walked over to her, the purple butterfly gently flapping its wings as it rested on his open palm. He could send it to her from where he stood, but he never did. His guilt for akumatizing her was overwhelming, and with this notion he hoped she would understand that he cared.

He gently clasped her wrist with one hand, and put the akuma on her tablet with the other. There was no need to search for her loyalty, one look into her eyes was enough. The akuma made the link between them effortlessly, and Catalyst was created.

The creature looked human, but was devoid of human feelings. She was born from one of the purest feelings of all: determination fuelled by loyalty. But the result was neither. Mayura was determination. Nathalie was loyalty. Catalyst was an anomaly.

Suddenly, Scarlet Moth felt nausea squeezing his stomach. What did he do to her? Why did she let him do it? This _thing_ was not her.

Was a part of Nathalie still there? Or did she let the akuma take over completely? He had to know. Even if there was another way to learn it – and there was plenty – the first impulse won.

He gently touched Catalyst’s upper arm and she immediately turned her head to face him. Without visible eyes, the only indication of her thoughts was her flame-coloured lips. And its stillness made her look frighteningly unimpressed by his touch. So much unlike Nathalie, who always returned his display of affection with a slight smile. He grabbed her other arm too, forcing her to turn her body completely towards him. He had to know. He had to know how much humanity remained in his creation. How much Nathalie he left in Catalyst. Or more importantly, how much Nathalie _she_ let remain in the foreground.

Catalyst was patiently waiting for what he had to say. If she was confused, her mouth didn’t indicate it. He stepped closer to her, and leaned down. Catalyst still remained seemingly uninterested.

In retrospect, he could have looked for another way to find his answers. He blamed the toll that commanding the scarlet akuma victims took on him, and the children who fought them and refused to tire out, because that was the easiest way out. But then and there, all he knew was that if Nathalie was still in Catalyst, she would either slap him after this, or— no, there was no place for ‘or’.

His lips gently touched hers. In his mind, it was supposed to be a small moment, just a peck that ended before it started, and he would wait for Catalyst’s reaction from a few steps’ distance. But the moment he felt her warmth against his lips, his mind betrayed him and urged him to savour the moment. He instinctively closed his eyes but couldn’t recall when, and used the blissful blindness to give himself over to the analysis of _his_ reactions. The sensitive nerves of his lips keenly coming to life. The tingle running down his spine. The fading contact with the scarlet akuma victims he could not care about anymore.

His eyes shot open when he felt a gentle tickle as Catalyst returned his kiss. He stepped away instantly. He would never have imagined there would be an ‘or’. There couldn’t be. _It was not an option._ And that threw him off track, intrigued him and made him feel guilty at the same time.

Catalyst’s mouth was slightly open as she jerked her head up, probably to examine his expression. She was clearly confused too. But he wouldn’t know what nature her confusion was because of that damned helmet.

Suddenly, Scarlet Moth felt very tired. He kissed someone he akumatized. He kissed Catalyst to determine how human, how much like Nathalie she was. So he would learn if he kissed Nathalie instead of a monster. Just the thought of what could have made him do it created a short circuit in his mind, which he ascribed to the part of him protecting his sanity, preventing him from threading his thoughts further. The questions flooding his mind about Catalyst’s unanticipated reaction met the same fate.

At this point, he really wished that she had just slapped him.

But he can fix this. He can fix it _for her_.

He desperately reached out to Catalyst’s existence, found the akuma and pulled it out. The purple butterfly left Catalyst’s helmet, turned white after a few flaps of its wings and was soon lost among the others. The dark purple light around Catalyst and the red light around Scarlet Moth mixed, painting the lair into a curious light. Nathalie opened her eyes and looked at him. He could see that her initial puzzlement dissipated, and she slowly regained her grasp on what she was doing here, at night, in Hawkmoth’s company. He offered no explanation; he was way too preoccupied to watch as her eyes darted from one side of the room to the other, taking in her surroundings. Then her gaze came to rest on him.

“What happened?” she asked. “Did we win?” Her lips twitched. “You don’t look like we did.”

“Because we didn’t,” he answered blandly. Naturally, he had no lie ready for a situation like this. He felt a lump in his throat as he desperately cycled through the possibilities of finishing the conversation as quickly as possible. When she suddenly spoke again, her voice felt like a whip snapping in his ears.

“Then why did you call it off? I don’t feel weak.” Her eyes opened wide with fear. She took a lightning fast step and grabbed his elbows firmly. He waited for the calmness that her touch used to bring, although deep down he knew it would not come. “Are we in danger?”

“No, we’re not in danger,” he recognised the desperation in his own voice. He wanted to shake off her hands, but he knew that it would bring up even more questions. “I just remembered that we have a rough day ahead of us, the fight was going on for hours and we still couldn’t get the upper hand.”

“But… wasn’t that the plan, Monsieur?” she stammered. “To draw out the fight?”

“We forgot to take into consideration our own duties, I’m afraid. And we are not as young as those children who play heroes.” He spat his last words with exaggerated hatred, to cover up his lie. When he addressed her again, he carefully changed his tone to the exact opposite. “I’m serious, Nathalie. Go and have some sleep.” He touched her shoulders with both hands and slowly slid them down on her arms, removing her grip from his elbows as gently as he could.

Nathalie looked into his eyes for such a long time that he half-expected her to say no and demand answers. But all she did was pursing her lips for a slight moment, as if she was trying to wet them.

“Alright Monsieur. But you should rest too.”

“I’ll go down in a minute.”

Hawkmoth watched Nathalie exit the lair. What he didn’t expect was that it would all become worse after he was left alone with his thoughts. It was all a whirling mess. He was asking himself how this ridiculous idea came to his mind, why he didn’t stop himself, why he threw everything out of the window— and why was he still here thinking about it?

“Dark wings fall,” he muttered, wishing that his detransformation could provide the same comfort to him as it did to Nathalie and make him forget what just happened. His eyes met Nooroo’s in complete silence. The kwami was wise not to ask questions and Gabriel wondered if he had felt the whirlwind in his master’s very being as well. But he would never clarify things to him. So he passed the kwami to leave the lair he could not hate any more right now.

Gabriel stepped into the lift and looked at his reflection in the glass. He accepted the fact that just pushing it all aside would be a task next to impossible. But he will try. He already had a role to play, and not thinking about one slip-up in his life was just another role. If it meant saving Nathalie from it, then so be it.

His shoulders fell and he shared a slight smile with his reflection. For her, he would do anything.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I know that those who receive the akuma willingly retain their memories after they de-transform. But what do you think? Does it matter if I didn't play by the rules? In other words, do you think Nathalie suspects that she was kissed?


End file.
